:O :I ¦<

Saturday 17 November 2012

Happy Birthday to Me!

The irony of the exclamation mark in the title when I'm presently feeling less than exclamatory..

Today is my birthday (at least for the next 16 minutes) and I'm going to cheat by publishing it now so that it's posted ON my birthday while I continue to ramble. Just in case I don't manage to type everything I want to say in this small amount of time.
It doesn't matter, no one reads this anyway.


So, I've turned 20 today. How exciting. I've reached to a second decade of my life. It's an odd thought really, being 20, supposedly having to endure more responsibilities as an actual adult now. Not to mention being stripped of my "-teen" suffix that has defined me for 7 years.

To be quite honest, I'm not feeling much other than somewhat morose. I've done nothing all day by ways of real celebration, simply because all of my friends are too far away to really celebrate with me. So I've been on my own pretty much all day. I suppose this should've bothered me earlier, but I've been on Skype with Kerri all afternoon and evening so I guess she kept my mind off of it. I tried to keep my childish happiness going by lighting 20 candles on a tiny cake and dancing about like a fool... But as I am at this moment, all I really feel is exactly that - a fool.

I'm going to be soppy for a moment and whinge that this new age also marks the amount of time in my life spent without a significant other, or even so much as mutual romantic attraction to another. It's not like I don't feel attraction to anyone... It seems to me more like I aim too high. However, this isn't something I pine over on a daily basis, neither am I entirely desperate, but when the apple of your eye takes a liking to someone else, it's rather difficult to come to terms with. And I look and that and think, "we'll I'm just an idiot", but I'm really quite fed up of the unrequited love shindig.. And how fitting that I'm writing in this weird washed out candy red. Or pink. I don't even care right now.

So I'm a little upset over the fact that a certain few people haven't (or I suppose, 'didn't' by this point) wish me a happy birthday. I'm a little upset over spending my day by myself. And I'm a little bit more upset that the person I would've liked to be talking to all day happened to be busy elsewhere. Fair enough, I'm not Queen of Sheba, but I've spiraled into a bad mood, and my bad moods are all-encompassing therefore I'm upset over stupid small things and have decided, whether you do or not, don't actually care.

So, happy birthday to my depressing little soul and may I learn to not be so damn emotional over the trivial things that piss me off.

Signing off, for the only time as,

Roisin 
♪♫

Extra bit: I often like to use this space to vent what I'm thinking. How I'm feeling. Just a way for me to void the complex emotions I'm mixed up in. Most of what I say might be vague, despite knowing not a lot of people read this blog, I still don't want to bare the entirety of my soul. There are those who are close and may understand too much.
Oddly enough, this rant hasn't completely helped...

I have a special book for that.

No comments:

Post a Comment