Happy Birthday to Me!

The irony of the exclamation mark in the title when I'm presently feeling less than exclamatory..

Today is my birthday (at least for the next 16 minutes) and I'm going to cheat by publishing it now so that it's posted ON my birthday while I continue to ramble. Just in case I don't manage to type everything I want to say in this small amount of time.
It doesn't matter, no one reads this anyway.

So, I've turned 20 today. How exciting. I've reached to a second decade of my life. It's an odd thought really, being 20, supposedly having to endure more responsibilities as an actual adult now. Not to mention being stripped of my "-teen" suffix that has defined me for 7 years.

To be quite honest, I'm not feeling much other than somewhat morose. I've done nothing all day by ways of real celebration, simply because all of my friends are too far away to really celebrate with me. So I've been on my own pretty much all day. I suppose this should've bothered me earlier, but I've been on Skype with Kerri all afternoon and evening so I guess she kept my mind off of it. I tried to keep my childish happiness going by lighting 20 candles on a tiny cake and dancing about like a fool... But as I am at this moment, all I really feel is exactly that - a fool.

I'm going to be soppy for a moment and whinge that this new age also marks the amount of time in my life spent without a significant other, or even so much as mutual romantic attraction to another. It's not like I don't feel attraction to anyone... It seems to me more like I aim too high. However, this isn't something I pine over on a daily basis, neither am I entirely desperate, but when the apple of your eye takes a liking to someone else, it's rather difficult to come to terms with. And I look and that and think, "we'll I'm just an idiot", but I'm really quite fed up of the unrequited love shindig.. And how fitting that I'm writing in this weird washed out candy red. Or pink. I don't even care right now.

So I'm a little upset over the fact that a certain few people haven't (or I suppose, 'didn't' by this point) wish me a happy birthday. I'm a little upset over spending my day by myself. And I'm a little bit more upset that the person I would've liked to be talking to all day happened to be busy elsewhere. Fair enough, I'm not Queen of Sheba, but I've spiraled into a bad mood, and my bad moods are all-encompassing therefore I'm upset over stupid small things and have decided, whether you do or not, don't actually care.

So, happy birthday to my depressing little soul and may I learn to not be so damn emotional over the trivial things that piss me off.

Signing off, for the only time as,

Roisin ♪♫

Extra bit: I often like to use this space to vent what I'm thinking. How I'm feeling. Just a way for me to void the complex emotions I'm mixed up in. Most of what I say might be vague, despite knowing not a lot of people read this blog, I still don't want to bare the entirety of my soul. There are those who are close and may understand too much.
Oddly enough, this rant hasn't completely helped...

I have a special book for that.

Do the clothes ever end??

So, I'm back 8D

And I've never written a post in this colour before. Probably because it's the same colour as my title font but ssshh..

So I'm back from my Brighton trip. I was actually back on Sunday (it's now Thursday (now Friday since I started this post hours ago (too many brackets))), and I couldn't update on the coach due to no wifi access and my impromptu nausea. Then it transpired that I couldn't access the wifi on the Uni Campus. Sucked to be me. Except having Ryan for four days. If it weren't for that, I might have made a start on the presentation and essays I need to do (no one believes this. Neither do I). Not the bit about having Ryan, the no wifi. But to be honest, both of these pose as a problem/distraction for me to do anything logical.

Brighton was lovely - cold and rainy but lovely. I rather missed my straighteners. And with all this fog in London, my hair's allergic reactions to moisture is just escalating day after day.
My darling lovely Ryan took me 'round The Laines and all the little shops she thought I might like, and it was as though we never stepped foot outside of London except the salty sea air that was slowly but surely creating an afro for me.. And the lack of urgency for getting home on time. What a glorious feeling.

We went to a club the night I arrived.. I'd just like to say here and now, dearest reader, that I hate clubs. I'm far too anti-social for something like that and I have NEVER felt so uncomfortable in my life. I can't really explain to you why. It's not like it was a situation I've never been in before. But I.. don't know. It was like crowd anxiety but no panic attack followed. I just urgently needed a wall or something that I could flower on. And I hate being egged on to do something. People telling me to do something after I've said no angers me ridiculous amounts. Especially if I were already trying to do it.
Remind me never to leave the house. Ever.
(I'm being mellow dramatic, I just don't want to ever be so social again.)

Despite that, I still enjoyed my stay there. Didn't enjoy the kitchen or bathroom but beggars can't be choosers.

Today, I'm attempting to find my floor after my wardrobe vomited its contents at me while I was doing a clean out. Appreciate it.
Right now, I'm neglecting the rest of this duty while I have a ramble and then watch the rest of Perception ep. 5.
Tomorrow (technically later today), I go to Central London to buy Ryan's contacts for her Edward Elric cosplay, then I shall play The Sims 3 while I wait for the MCM Expo adventure on Sunday to begin.

I have an extensive make-up routine planned out for Sunday morning so please God allow me to wake up on time -.-

I may post a picture when I return.

Signing off~

Bren ♪♫

Two posts in one week??

It must be Christmas :D

Almost.

Nevertheless, I felt a necessity to update about the fact that I'm travelling south tomorrow morning to visit the love of my life ¦D
I'm going to see Ryan at her Brighton Uni and I shall be there for four days and three nights.
God only knows how I managed to convince Gothel to allow me to "sleep over", a concept she detests without reason or logic. But I've broken the spell (or hypnotised her... we're not sure) to let me out of my tower. So off I go on my merry misadventuring.

Also, my costume for this month's expo has arrived marvelously on time and fits (almost) like a glove. Except the gloves that came with it don't fit but I've got gloves. Actually, if I'm honest, I didn't even realise Lenalee wore gloves at any given point. Woops.

I think my last point to make today is the fact that my nose is cold, I still haven't finished packing, I'm paranoid that I booked the wrong tickets and it's one month exactly today until my birthday.

I'm turning 20.

No one understands the turmoil my brain will be in.
Someone asked me my age earlier and I said 18 without thinking.
Clearly, I'm going to have some troubles with this new double digit world I'm entering in to.

In any case, I shall endeavour to enjoy myself in my childlike wondrous ways that I also manage to.
Not sure that made enough sense...
Also not sure why that keeps returning after "my" ._.

I may update tomorrow whilst on the coach just to giddily exclaim that I'm on my way.

I'm sane.

That was a lie.

I'm going to go pack now.

Signing off~


Bren ♪♫

Happy September! (Yes, I know it's a week in already)

So, it's that time of year again. Kids going back to school, some starting new schools; older ones going off to university (later in the month) and others going into work. It's exciting somehow.

My now old secondary school, the mighty Gumley House, has already started into the Autumn term and it's a little strange not to still be there sitting in lessons I'm not enjoying.
I HAVE to visit though - I NEEEEEEEED to know what our music department looks like now. Our old head of music (who also left with us *sad face*) somehow managed to get the dept. £35, 000 worth of stuff from some place that was shutting down, and a new studio.
Thanks, sir, appreciate it now I'm gone -.-
So naturally I'll be inviting myself back to Gumley for a little snoop about.
And also for the novelty of confusing those that know I shouldn't still be there XD


I'm a little anxious for my new course - I've got enrolment coming up in a couple weeks and I suppose that'll be when I meet some of the people that I'll be learning with for the next year.
I'm not so worried about meeting new people, but I'm worried about leaving people behind.
I'm also worried about competition -.- We're all going there to make a career out of singing in some way or another, and I presume a lot of them will be better than me.
Then again, I'm sure I'll have my strong points over some of them - I know some theory, my improv. is... Kinda crap to tell the truth, but I can make up harmonies as I sing so that's a plus, right? And I also have a good ear. Although, I need to practice it a little more because since I learned some sight-reading skills, I've gotten lazy to learn by ear.

On a random side note, I've never thought of reading text aloud as sight-reading... I'm not very good at that either lol 8)


...Yeah, that's about all I had to say, really.


I like the way I could start writing something with some kind of enthusiasm, and the moment I lose the inspiration I had to start with, and look up to see Twitter or Facebook with a little (1) on the tab, I'm gone O_o

So, with that, I bid no one in particular adieu.


Bren ♪♫








P.S. I seriously need the ALT codes for those music notes - having to use the Windows Character Map or C&P it from an older post is just long -.-

I got "bleh" results and I'm going to "bleh" University!!!

It's today!


Everyone's getting their A-Level results and spamming my News Feed on facebook with what their results are and where it's taking them.


Don't get me wrong now, 'cause I'm totally happy for everyone, but it's a bit of a downer.


Simpy because I made a mess of my life and had to repeat a year so I'm behind all my friends. And then I made a mess of it the second time round and was withdrawn from my exams entirely. They pretty much kicked me out considering I was no longer on any of the registers and didn't have to attend any lessons after that...
Looking at it, my situation was pretty bad, but it did get better because I've got myself a place on a Vocal Diploma course for the next year and will possibly move on to the Higher Diploma if I actually manage not to screw this one up as well.

But naturally, being the depressing person I am, I can't help looking at everyone going on without me and thinking "Once again, I'm out of the loop". What can I say? I hate being left behind.

Not to mention I was going to go and support them today but Gothel, the evil witch that has trapped me inside my tower trying to convince me that everything in the outside world is bad and horrible and I'm better off inside, has decided that because I already went out this week, I can't go out again.
I'm actually going to become a hermit at this rate.


I was probably better off not going though, 'cause I'd just be a rain cloud (and it's currently raining anyway) in the corner of the room, mulling over my useless ability to continuously mess things up for myself despite how hard people around me try to help.


Ah well. Now that I've written this out I feel better and can probably get out of bed and go have breakfast. Although, Gothel is probably lurking downstairs just waiting to rub in the fact that I only have one A-Level, and it's not even a good one, while everyone else is off to University.
That's the brilliant part about Gothel; I cheer myself up, and she puts me back in a bad mood. She really loves the frown on my face.

But now I have a new code name for her. It's wonderful!

I'll forget it in about 5 minutes.

Just think, Brendon, this time next week you'll be sitting in Ryan's house enjoying yourself, waiting with great anticipation for the next day when we finally get to go to ***** ******** and see ****** ** *** *****.

7 days 23 hours 41 minutes x seconds

Next week should be a good one... 


Bren ♪♫

Toast Anyone?

I had something I was going to say here and it was quite good but I can't remember what it was. I wish I had written it down, I have a memory like a sieve sometimes -.-

In the meantime, Cake is a band I should've gotten into ages ago. They have a cool mellowness about them... Well, at least their song "Cool Blue Reason" does. Irony that I'm typing in blue as I listen? Possibly not.

Once again, I have no reason to write anything at all other than for purposes of spamming internet bandwiths and such.

How about some news?

Tomorrow (now today considering I procrastinated on writing this...) looks to be a good day; The band are getting together for the first time in just over a year. Which means...!!!

We shall be baking cakes...
Not quite music but there's some creativity in it.

I need to go speak to Ryan's mum about things we're planning behind Ryan's back, and also give back her shoes and see if I can try to fix her little laptop which has pretty much divided by zero inside it's main drive and eaten itself.

It deleted the control panel. Seriously, how do you go about doing that???

I also need to go to a shop in Hounslow which sells threads so I can finish my little projects.

It was Spencer's birthday just a little before I created this blog (a hundred years ago in real life, 3 minutes ago in bloggers terms) but the other day I had a brainstorm; I had picked up cross stitching not long ago because mother found a pack of it, and then I deviated from the normal patterns and ended up going from a rather pixelated looking happy flower in a pot saying 'Hi' to an embroidered Batman and The Joker.
A bit insane really.
I'm working on another project at the same time but I'll leave that one for later.

So yeah. Considering I started writing this, like, 4 hours ago, I can't actually remember where my train of thoughts was going with this post.
And considering I told myself I'd go to bed an hour ago and haven't, and also now that the internet is breaking, I think this is a good time to just say bye I'll write something more interesting another day. Probably.

Probably not, but we can hope can't we?

Bren ♪♫